Women may think that most men are unemotional cyborgs, but that is a misconception. We are very emotional. Just observe as we watch sporting events and go through a roller-coaster of emotions. You'll notice that there are specific segments during the course of a game where our mood swings like a pendulum. These emotions are further enhanced with the consumption of alcohol.
Might I also mention that some guys bring their girlfriends along to these events. These guys are considered to be "whipped" by the single guys. Little do they know that the girlfriends play a critical role on gameday. I'll further elaborate on this later.
Prior to the start of a game, we are excited to be enjoying a festive day with our closest friends. We greet each other not by name, but by referring to each other as "bro's." The combination of beer and grease makes us even happier. Then the game starts and we are voicing our displeasure over a coaches decision or the selected officials to call the game. As the competition commences, we are either irate over a sluggish start or setting ourselves up for disappointment if we get our hopes up prematurely. This tends to happen quite often, especially since I have been cheering for a hopeless hockey team for almost 20 years now.
There are certain sports fans we call arm-chair managers/coaches, which is a know-it-all that calls all the shots from the comforts of a recliner. During the course of a game, the arm-chair coaches start dissecting every single play, stating what could of or should of happened. Their coaching credentials consist of all the fantasy league teams they've "managed."
As the buzzer signals the start of half time, we proceed to damage our livers and do terrible things to our heart. This ordeal takes up most of half-time which runs about 15-20 minutes, so by the start of the second half of the game we are rather lethargic. This is where having the girlfriends present is key, as we kindly ask them if they could drive us back.
Just like a herd of cattle, we scurry back to our seats for the start of the second half. By this point in the game, some of us have lost interest in the event so we start to work on our social skills. This usually consists of further discussions on other sports. From this point forward the level of excitement is rather lull until the closing moments of the game (if it is a close one).
This is when it starts to get tense and we are at the edge of our seats (that is if we are seated). There is a lot of shouting and hollering taking place as the closing seconds wind down and we are either cheering or jeering for our team to pull one through in dramatic fashion. More often than not, we are left disappointed, but every once in a while, a miraculous, fortunate bounce goes our way and we start jumping up and down like over enthusiastic children and suddenly become very affectionate with our male friends. I can't explain why sports has that affect on us. I blame the alcohol.
At the end of the night we are either jovial or dejected, but it really doesn't matter who wins or loses. The most valuable lessen I learned about sports comes from the mouth of Homer Simpson. "When you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."
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1 comment:
This is exactly why you should be shopping instead-- it's relaxing, luxurious, AND you can buy your girlfriend that Gucci purse finally, so then she will see that horror flick with you and you will reclaim your dignity and manhood in a respectful way.
See, we women are smart: we don't subject ourselves to events such as that. Instead, we spend your money. It's a win win situation for all involved. ;)
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